Among the many random ways I make a living, one of the more fun things I do is work freelance for the Syfy channel. Which is much as you would expect – there is lots of Star Trek Next Gen in HD (which is good),  but there are also films like The Human Centipede (which are mind destroyingly, eye gougingly awful).

Titanic 2 – look out for the iceberg! And the tsunami!

There are also films by people like The Asylum. The Asylum are a low budget film production company that have apparently never lost money. They make a variety of films that are nearly all the kind of cheesy horror / schlock nonsense that I have always enjoyed. They have no artistic merit, are poorly acted and scripted, and are always fun. They have made films that mimic Hollywood blockbusters like: Titanic 2 (spoiler: an iceberg in a tidal wave!), Snakes on a Train (guess what happens), The Day The Earth Stopped, and the more recent Atlantic Rim (see what they did?).

Mega Piranha

They have also done some monster flicks, which just seem to be getting better and better. I thought they had peaked with Mega Piranha, or Mega Python vs Gatoroid – which has Tiffany ‘I think we’re alone now’ in it, wrestling with Debbie Gibson just before they’re all attacked by giant beasties! Genuis.

Recently, however, they have been excelling themselves with what I like to call their ‘Shark Period’. Mega Shark fought a few memorable battles: first against Crocosaurus, then against Giant Octopus. Then, some evil mastermind fused them together and gave us the epic Sharktopus.

Two Headed Shark Attack

A particular favourite of mine, until now, was the awesome Two Headed Shark Attack. Carmen Electra in a bikini takes a load of teenagers, also mostly in bikinis, to a remote island. Where they are picked off, two by two, by a mutant two headed shark. Sometimes while topless. Fuck it, here’s a trailer:


But now all things seem to have a spectacular shark-filled climax. Their films usually have people you have vaguely seen before and this time it’s thingy and whatsit from the original Beverly Hills 90210 facing massive peril. The premise is this: a massive tornado hits a town and IT’S FULL OF SHARKS!

I know, you are probably reeling from the sheer inventiveness of their ideas but take a deep breath and stay calm. Because there is a trailer and it’s fucking awesome. These Asylum films aren’t for everyone but if you liked old school B/cult movies you might find these fun. I do. Without further ado, I give you SHARKNADO!

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